Toothbrush

Tiny Moustache Toothbrush just looks like he's going to clean your teeth better, doesn't he?  Plaque beware...this brush o' the teef means business!  Gingivitis has nowhere to hide when TMT rolls into your mouth town!  

So, I'm a big fan of dental hygiene and as you can probably tell, since I love my toothbrush so much I gave it a tiny moustache, that I am not British (oh, snap!).  I also am a big fan of things (food, drink, what have you) that are available to us in unexpected forms.  Some of you might remember a lengthy (some say hilarious) short story I once wrote on the wonders of Yoplait Whips...whipped yogurt?! Delicious and texturally confusing!  Some others of you might remember that in college I was known to make the best and largest quantities (more than 1,000 at one time I shit you not) of Jell-O shots ever recorded in New Jersey history...it's Jell-O...it's a booze shot...it's solid yet wiggling and it gets you super drunk at the Holiday Ball!  These fun types of juxtapositions seem to fascinate me.  If I ate gross processed junk foods I would probably be obsessed with things like Easy Cheese (cheese from an aerosol can...brilliant!) and that weird peanut butter and jelly combination jar (why waste precious sandwich making time with opening and closing two jars?!) but thankfully my Mom raised me right and I can proudly say I've never tasted either.  If any of my readers care to elaborate on their (if any) pros and cons in the comments section below...feel free.

Recently I stumbled upon a brand-new one that will blow your mind and mouth simultaneously.  That may have sounded naughty and/or dirty and I equally apologize and/or kind of liked it.  This new Product In An Unusual Form (PIAUF) is not even from the grocer's aisles nor did it appear to me at a restaurant or a bar.  This new wonder of science, technology and teeth wizardry (new class at Hogwart's) caught my eye at Walgreen's.  It's called Aquafresh Iso-Active and mark my words...toothpastery will never be the same!  Basically it is toothpaste in a petite shaving cream can.  And it comes out onto your toothbrush looking like shave gel.  And it kind of smells like shave gel.  And at first it kind of tastes like you're brushing your teeth with shave gel.  But then, it transforms...it...transcends!  All of a sudden your whole mouth sings as it is enveloped in a foam explosion! I know it looks like I have a weird thing for exclamation points but there is just no other way to convey the wintergreen glory of Aquafresh Iso-Active.  The whole experience is at once odd, confusing, overwhelmingly foam-tastic and exhilaratingly awesome.  You end up with so much teeth and gum scrubbing foam in your mouth it feels like you ate 11 marshmallows and they imploded, all the while having the most fun brushing your teeth you've had in a mighty long time.  Then you rinse and...voila! The single most clean teeth storing area your face could ever ask for.

Some might accuse me of hyperbole here, and I do get excited over new things...but, toothpaste?  I've never been someone that really cares that much which brand or what flavor until now.  Trust me, friends...get yourself to a store and grab some Aquafresh Iso-Active and let the foam party begin...kind of like Spring Break Cancun for your mouth but with a no-STD guarantee.  Remember, it's a PIAUF....so just be sure you don't actually brush your teeth with Skintimates instead.

Wolverine

Ok, so he's already pretty badass the way he is. Adamantium skeleton...check.  Cigar-Smoking leather jacket wearing bad boy appeal...check.  Ability to smell enemies from miles away...check.  Looks manly even when in yeallow and royal blue spandex...check.  But even Logan's alter-ego looks way cooler with a tiny moustache!  It says, yes - I can rip your body in half with one swipe of my claws...but I'm very elegant when I do it.  It also kind of looks like an old-timey weight lifter which still makes me smile.
 

Now, Wolverine has always been my favorite mutant/comic book star/superhero and I was thrilled by the quality showings of the X-Men film series and especially Hugh Jackman's portrayal.  But can we talk about this summer's bleh to the bleh solo Wolverine movie? What happened? I mean they finally bring Gambit to the silver screen and Tim Riggins craps all over him...seriously....I love me some Friday Night Lights - but they couldn't spend a few extra bucks for an accent coach to help him speak with Gambit's creole drawl and stop him from just sounding exactly like Tim Riggins but in a purple trenchcoat instead of a football uniform? I kept waiting for him to turn to Wolverine and shout, "I got your back, six!"  It was lazy and boring and anytime you hire Will.I.Am (or any member of the Black Eyed Peas for that matter) as a member of your cast you're probably doomed from the start.  Way to blow it Hugh.  Obviously if Patrick Stewart had been more largely involved the whole thing would have been saved.  

So here's my brilliant advice:  if they make another one to mildly entertain us next summer....try throwing a tiny moustache on the guy and watch the blockbuster box office roll in.*

*This statement can also be applied to fellow summer movie disappointments Terminator Salvation, Transformers 2, Angels and Demons, Land of The Lost and Year One.

The Project Begins...

What up, blogoshpere!  I totally love that in the past few years and with the rampant spread of the interweb that brand new words, like blogosphere, have become so ingrained in our vernacular.  Here's another one you can feel free to use at will: bonerrific!  As in, "Creating this blog and taking over the blogosphere is so bonerrific!"  You're welcome.

So, my name is Jennie, this is my first official blog post and the official start to The Tiny Moustache Project.  But what is this exciting new project you've decided to take on you may be thinking?  Well, there are a few simple and irrefutable facts I have come to understand in my short, but already well traveled time on this Earth.  Examples?  Well, how about that Pearl Jam is the single greatest band of all time.  Wearing anything but 'going out' pajamas on an airplane trip of longer than one hour is just silly.  Watching the Yankees play with my Dad (whether they are winning or losing) will result in hearing some of the most creative and expressive profanities one could ever hope of experiencing (especially when they are losing).  If it is summer here in Miami, you will get rained on...every day...at some point in the day...about thirty times a day.  Sitting through all 12 hours of The Lord of The Rings Trilogy (director's cut) back-to-back is totally awesome no matter how many times you do it.  Cuban coffee was sent by the beverage Gods to make beautiful our mornings.  There is no one more terrible or clearly representative of the fact that the Apocalypse is coming than Lady Gaga.  If you are going to rock the karaoke microphone do not pick "Freebird" or some other nine-minute musical odyssey. 
And lastly, Everything looks cooler with a moustache.

Now, I know that not everyONE looks cooler with a moustache (as in most non-bearded ladies, creepy pedophiles and 8th grade boys).  If you read carefully, I said everyTHING looks cooler with a moustache, more specifically, a very tiny moustache.  And yes, I do exclusively use the more formal British spelling of moustache because mustache is too pedestrian for our purposes here.  True, facial hair can be rad in many forms and a lot of dudes pull off some mighty fine upperlip creations, but this is not a blog about real moustaches - that's been done ad nauseum.  What we're talking about here is the magical transformative act of holding up a tiny wooden moustache on a tiny wooden stick in front of anything and basking in the beauty of it.  Think of the endless cool and wondrous possibilities!  Well, actually you don't have to because that's what The Tiny Moustache Project is all about.  Back in September of 2009 I came upon this glorious and tiny accessory online (thank you, http://www.thesmallobject.com/ ) and it just hit me like a sock full of quarters.  This tiny moustache must be used to make cool an unlimited supply of inanimate objects, people, pets and things and I must share it with the world via kick ass photographs (taken by my sister Rebecca with her sweet 12 megapixel camera, because I don't really have a good one of my own). 

Thus, this blog was born and so starts this most important and groundbreaking project.  I invite you to check back here daily (tell your friends!) for new pics and witty commentary (provided by yours truly) as we embark on this journey together...you never know where this tiny moustache will take us.  Friends, family, friends of family, moustache enthusiasts and those who are just looking to fill up your many hours of work boredom...
I give you:

THE TINY MOUSTACHE PROJECT!